Useless Discussions

“You said . . . “   “No, I didn’t.  I said . . . “

IMG_4302Do those words sound familiar?  I hate to think of the many hours my spouse and I spent trying to convince each other of what we heard the other say or that what the other claims we said was not even close to reality.  And, on and on.  After minutes or hours saying the same things over and over, neither of us changes our view of how the conversation in question really went. No one wins –  we both end up with nothing but a heart full of hurt feelings.  Any joy and love we may have felt for each other earlier has scurried off to hide under the blankets – waiting for the arrows to quit flying.  How often I wished we’d had a tape recorder going.  I’m just sure it would prove I was right!

But, why does it matter who’s right?  There are probably many answers.  We want to be understood — or at least not misunderstood. We want to justify our position.  We just want to be heard.  However, there wasn’t a tape recorder.  So, we’re both stuck with our own version of the truth.  We cannot answer the question to the satisfaction of either of us.

So, what are we to do?  It’s so simple, it’s amazing my spouse and I hadn’t thought of it years before we did.  Now when we start this crazy “you-said-no-I said” song, we stop, and say, “It doesn’t matter.  Let’s start from where we are, right here right now.”  And, we start over and move to discussing whatever the real topic is, not how the conversation about the real topic digressed.

Admittedly, this requires a certain amount of maturity, as in I don’t always have to be right.  It also requires letting go of the past, which is gone anyway.  But, the payoff is completely worth it.  I’d much rather be brushing my lips next to the ear of the man I love than slinging hurtful, meaningless words at him.

Let me remember we can always start over from where we are right here right now. 


2 comments to Useless Discussions

  • Brad Holt

    This reminds me of something I heard someone else say that I’ve found worthy of remembering:

    “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?”

  • Marilyn

    What is that I want to be right? When I first heard “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” I thought “well, I want to be both and I will be happy if he admits I’m right.”

    I was astonished when someone told me I could say “You may be right.” However, I have found that doesn’t work always because the other party wants a You are right. I like your response much better.

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