Shared Moments

IMG_5576My spouse is getting ready to leave for work. He stops a moment to listen to me read a poem. I make it through almost to the end of it before my voice breaks, and I have a hard time reading because I am so moved by the words.  My spouse understands and agrees with me that the poem is quite moving. He shares my respect for this poet.  A tender moment, a we moment — one of the many gifts of a shared, committed relationship.

How different from those moments when we, the same two people, seem to live in totally different worlds, when nothing the other says makes any sense at all.  But these too can be shared moments.  For in these times, we are two beings trying to work through a disconnection to a reconnection.  

Sure, I may be trying to push my agenda or shove my perceptions down his throat, but could it be that my goal is to get to a place of agreement, a reconnection?  Perhaps this seems to be a twisted approach; however, deep down I want  him to agree with me so we can reconnect and share the moment.  This longing to reconnect in the face of disagreements can be quite painful.  We long to be connected.   If it weren’t so important that we reconnect with each other, maybe we wouldn’t try so hard to “sell” the other on our particular viewpoints. Maybe if I remember the real goal in these moments of heated debate, my approach will change.  Underneath the seemingly separate desires is a common goal –two people seeking to agree, seeking to reconnect.  If I can move my thinking to that place, the right words and actions will follow.

Today I will see through the eyes of shared goals.  


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