I See You

In the earlier days of our marriage, I did some crazy, immature things and said some unnecessarily hurtful things to my spouse. I didn’t really want to hurt him, even though it felt like it at the time. What I really wanted was for him to see me. So, I cried, I ranted, I accused. […]

Options

“You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ‘em.”

Don Schlitz, songwriter

They had enjoyed 42 good years together until he left this world for the next great adventure. As his widow and I chatted about the gifts of marriage, we concurred that most couples work through at least one […]

Just Let It Go

When my two granddaughters were teenagers, sometimes I heard my daughter command, “Just let it go.” This was her response when one of the two seemed convinced that if she could just say this one more thing, everyone could see how right she was and she would be vindicated for holding such strong feelings about […]

Perfectionism

If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.

What!? Who came up with that guilt-producing and self-defeating saying?

This is actually a proverb that reads, “If it’s worth doing it’s worth doing well.” I always heard it, as “things were worth doing right. That put a heavy strain of responsibility on me and a boatload […]

Keeping My Thoughts to Myself

Married life teaches one invaluable lesson: to think of things far enough ahead not to say them. ~Jefferson Machamer

I tend to have thoughts about whatever subject is under discussion at the time, whether it involves me or not. If I don’t have ideas for input and advice, I have questions. However, I’m learning that […]

What We Teach

If there were a hidden camera capturing my partner and me on film as we interact with each other on a daily basis, what would be revealed? Would my body be rigid and tense? Or would it be open and relaxed? Would we ever be caught dancing with each other or extending little expressions of […]

Detaching with Love

Well, he can just get glad in the same clothes he got mad in.

– Buddy –

This wonderful saying, was a gift from a good friend of ours who left this world a few years ago. It has blessed me many times with its message of freedom. If my spouse or anyone else […]

The Gift of Listening

I sit across the table from my spouse in our favorite neighborhood restaurant. He has just returned from a five-day business trip, He chats about what he gained from the trip, the friends he visited with there, the goals he has for his business, and more. How freely he shares about his life and feelings.

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Reconnecting

Hello dear readers. You may have wondered where I’ve been for the past a few months. I didn’t mean to abandon this website. I simply slid into an unplanned break. Bob had a cancerous portion of his esophagus removed in February. The surgery took eight hours and he was in intensive care for nine days. […]

Choosing My Response

This morning I was taken by surprise by my husband’s reaction to something I said. I thought I was being helpful. He thought I was being intrusive. I bought into his emotional reaction by reacting emotionally myself. I felt attacked. I attacked back. I raised my voice by several decibels in an attempt to convince […]