Shoulds and Oughts

Two words crept into our marriage before the ink dried on our marriage contract. For many years these two words remained unnoticed, surreptitiously and generously gifting the two of us and our daughter with a great deal of misery.

The words? Should and ought. These interlopers insisted on obedience and exacted punishment of all who […]

Many ways to say “I love you”


A good friend of mine, who lost her husband several years ago, is now in a another relationship. Her new partner is not one to use terms of endearment or to give her bouquets of compliments; for example, he has little to say about how nice she looks. One day he told her that […]

Getting My Needs Met

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand why you are so upset. I’ve tried, but I just don’t get it. You’ll need to talk to someone else who may understand better than I do.”

This ice-water message came from my husband one evening while I was crying my eyes out over something that I’ve long since […]

Letting My Needs be Known


After decades of being married, my husband and I often think and say the same thing at the same time. Once we even bought each other the same anniversary card. However, we can’t do this predictably. Often we are in totally different worlds in our thoughts. So, I can’t expect him to read […]

Expecting Perfection

I don’t like the way he brushes his teeth. He frequently walks to another room while he’s talking and I can no longer hear him. He doesn’t wash his hands as thoroughly as I think he should. (There’s no way he can sing the Happy Birthday song that fast.) I’m sure there are probably a […]

It Was Just Me All Along


“Don’t sweat the Small stuff. . . and it’s all small stuff. Richard Carlson


I chat with a friend whom I haven’t seen in several weeks. We have history. I know that she and her spouse have had their struggles. There have been times that she hasn’t liked him very much. She’s […]