About Anne

anne-bioThe tears that spilled down my mother’s cheeks at my wedding did not leak from the same universal well of sentimentality to which most mothers of the bride drink. No, my mother’s tears were tears of sadness, founded on the belief that her second daughter was making a big mistake. Even my soon-to-be mother-in-law, who was noticeably fond of me, had her misgivings.

We were young, after all, and were a most unlikely match. However, we were drenched in our love for each other and wanted only to spend the rest of our lives together. Now after almost 50 years, we are more in love than ever and even more committed to each other and to our union than on our wedding day so many years ago. And, I know that my mother and mother-in-law long ago traded in their misgivings in exchange for pride in our partnership.

It hasn’t always been an easy road. However, we hung in there. And, along the way, we learned some things that have helped us not only to stay together, but to love and to learn together through gentle days and challenging ones. It would have been wonderful if we hadn’t had to learn so many things the hard way. So, this blog is for anyone who shares a commitment with another and might be willing to learn from the experiences and insights of other couples, and thus avoid some painful pitfalls.

To set the record straight, I am not a marriage counselor nor do I have formal training in psychology or anything related to human relationships, except some really good corporate training regarding management and supervision of employees, as well as customer relations. These writings on marriage or any long-term committed relationship are based on my personal experience and observations, as well as the experiences and observations of others.

Note: This collection of experiences does not address the option of divorce because it is intended to help couples stay together through good times and bad. I recognize that there are relationships that are best ended, particularly those that threaten the mental and/or physical safety of one or both of the partners. Unless a situation is urgent, I would encourage one or both parties to seek professional help and be completely honest as to what is going on before walking away from a potentially wonderful life.

Perhaps the following message sets the stage, or more correctly, the page:

Gratitude

This morning I find myself snuggled deeply in the great big, warm lap of gratitude and contentment. A gratitude that is birthed in intangible things that I share with my spouse. Companionship. Shared goals. Shared history. Delicious affection. Mutual appreciation.anne-bob2

It hasn’t always been this way. With this same person I’ve also felt resentment, rage, deep hurt, self pity, humiliation, and more. Many times I couldn’t begin to fathom where he was coming from. We couldn’t communicate because we were both locked behind the walls of our own distorted thinking.

Now for that same man I feel great affection and deep respect. I often marvel at the person he is. I feel privileged to share in his life.

Our marriage isn’t perfect. I’m sure I’ll be mad at him again. I’ll be annoyed with him or feel hurt by something he says or does. That’s life. That’s marriage. That’s relationship. But, when it’s all said and done, I am so incredibly glad I stuck in through all the difficult times. It has been so very worth it. If I’d given up, we would never know the delight we take in each other now.

Just as a beautiful woven tapestry needs the weft and warp and many colors of fibers to give it its strength and beauty, our marriage and billions of others like it, are made up of a variety of experiences. These experiences add depth and texture and beauty and strength to this union. And, I am grateful for all of it. I am grateful for the inner wisdom that always lets me know I am at home.

Just for today I am grateful that I’m grateful. On those days when I am not, I will sit down and write about all the good times we have shared.